I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
PANTIES FOUND
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