I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize