I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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