I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
