no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize