i wish there were pregnant emoticons
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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