sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
