Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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