Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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