just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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