I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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