New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
