distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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