I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just tell him i said nine months
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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