i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
