So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
