We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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