I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
