He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
