Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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