Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
