And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
