You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ladies don't puke and tell
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
