dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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