I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
