I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
