I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
