In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
