i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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