you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
