Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
