My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
