They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
