My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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