I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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