There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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