she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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