I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
