one two three fourrrrnication!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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