I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
