I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
