____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
