broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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