I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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