There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
