Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
