he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
