70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize