i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Welp...herpes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
