I intend to get homeless drunk
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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