well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
