In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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