we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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