Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
