Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
