he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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