So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
