break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
