your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
