i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize