imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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