I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
