I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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