dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
