i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Pooping to opera.
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