Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
