Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
