everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
