Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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