Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
