If that was your dad, he is hot
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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