the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
