Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
