My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
